i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
