i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
