4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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