my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
