you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
