Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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