I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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