i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
