I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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