Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
