so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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