I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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