yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
