I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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