so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
