Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
