she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
