he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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