Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
