There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
