I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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