Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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