Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
FUCK WHALES
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
