I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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