hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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