hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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