I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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