He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
