Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
