He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
