Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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