If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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