You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
