For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
