her vagine was all disorganized.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
