A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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