I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
