She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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