I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
