direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am one with the molecules
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
