well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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