I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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