So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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