i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
