the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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