True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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