this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
