You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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