and next time when you feel me up, do it right
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
