I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
