Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
