She is in my trunk
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
